Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
