it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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