so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
