I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
