I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
