Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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