so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
