Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My vagina just clenched in fear
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
