everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
