I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
