That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
