On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
