is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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