Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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