I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
