If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
