Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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