Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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