My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
