awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
