GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
