I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
