...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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