I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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