Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
