Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
