i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
