Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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