we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
