its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
