yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
