pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
