me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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