Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And then he peed in my hair
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