As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
