i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
