Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
