happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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