apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
