I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
