Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
