last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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