whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
