Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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