dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
