I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
