i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
