If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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