now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
