im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
