Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
