Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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