take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
