Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
