If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
